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Memories
Memories form a cascade of magical treats
pooling as years around our feet
each one in danger of drowning in the mundane
secreted somewhere deep in our brain
fading in time
written in rhyme
hidden 'til we stop to reminisce
our little gems of happiness
treasure them always
there the good old days
remembrance of times past
a joy that lasts and lasts
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Comments
sueb
Wed, 2013-01-23 12:44
ah thanks a mil glad you
ah thanks a mil glad you enjoyed this little one look forward to yours tomorrow cheers sue x
Frenchf
Wed, 2013-01-23 15:44
Since I beleiev the poems reflect
what is going on in your life. not sure how to interpret this one.
Different style. I liked it
sueb
Wed, 2013-01-23 15:59
Hi thanks glad u enjoyed this
Hi thanks glad u enjoyed this little one hope your well cheers sueb x
Seren
Thu, 2013-01-24 02:15
Dear Sue
I really liked this one but the end line for me felt stilted it lost its flow maybe you could say
remembrance of times past
a joy that lasts and lasts
and a joy that forever lasts
just one way you could take that line ... like Eph my favourite line was the pooling of years around our feet its a lovely line your certainly growing as a poet
Jayne-Chloe xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Seren
Thu, 2013-01-24 02:34
Sue
I had a look for your Judas Kiss poem but cant seem to find it am I going blind ?
or is it not posted ? LOL
Jayne-Chloe xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
sueb
Thu, 2013-01-24 03:21
Hi Jc no I haven't posted its
Hi Jc no I haven't posted its not great I just remembered that I had written one with that title but I'll put it up and everyone can hop on it lol cheers sueb x
BettyBuff
Thu, 2013-01-24 11:07
Hi SueB!/Loved
This line...'a cascade of magical treats pooling as years around our feet'...great line!
Ells x
sueb
Thu, 2013-01-24 11:53
thanks Ells glad you like all
thanks Ells glad you like all the best Sueb x