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Light Our Path Ahead
Into a new dark age
we go, marching,
careening headlong
[of soapbox poetry
there is no want
for many a voice
loudly rail and rant]
the terrain of our
condition and that
of our experience
has changed over
year upon year of
progress that has brought
us closer to the edge
of a generation that
lives on the horizon
itself
peering further on
beyond
to challenges invisible
to our yet untrained minds
so a new era begins
pioneering unexplored
vastnesses and
before unrecognised
darknesses
while on the remotest reaches
bright lights we have yet
to define and harness
beckon
to our whetted appetite
for tomorrows.
[Into itself, beyond vast darkness, remote lights beckon our tomorrows.]
.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
loved
Fri, 2012-12-21 02:30
just a beautiful
welcome back
after a long abstention...
was it on purpose
to produce....
you know what I mean
your friend loved
loved
crypticbard
Mon, 2012-12-31 21:52
thank you
No. It was two main things,
Computers crashing &
Emotions dashing..
It was a year that was beyond blue
The dark of a mind's night is that hue.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
weirdelf
Mon, 2012-12-24 04:51
Love this!
I suspect there could be some minor edits, and forgive me if I forget to come back and suggest them, but read it aloud to yourself and see what you can come up with.
cheers,
Jess
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