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Beauty's Archenemy
On my face an undulation
the start of ruination
beauty's arch enemy
should I resort to surgery?
Its the vain person's nemesis
causes them a lot of stress
I'm not going to worry
get myself in a flurry
going to think of each new wrinkle
as another memory I sprinkle
on my face, another trace
of each day I'm lucky to embrace
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Thu, 2012-11-22 09:04
Hi
Don't worry about wrinkles, they are just the maps of our lives' joys and sorrows. I wonder why you didn't break this into 4 line stanzas?.Have a good Thanksgiving...............stan
sueb
Thu, 2012-11-22 09:08
Thanks Stan I thought it was
Thanks Stan I thought it was too short to break it up have a gr8 thanksgiving cheers Sueb
Nordic cloud
Fri, 2012-11-23 10:37
On my face an undulation,
On my face an undulation,
the start of ruination,
beautys archenemy;
should I resort to surgery?
Its the vains person's nemesis,
causes them a lot of stress;
I'm not going to worry,
get myself in a flurry,
going to think of each new wrinkle
as another memory, I sprinkle on my face,
another trace of each day
I'm lucky to embrace.
**
Vain in singular:"Its the vains person's nemesis"
beauty's arch enemy:"beautys archenemy"
I liked the theme and its neatness, being short and to the point,
just a few things I changed, like placing of lines and commas,
for it to read more clearly i think. It doesn't need to be
"cleverly" spaced out to be a good poem.
Love Ann of Norway
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
sueb
Fri, 2012-11-23 12:24
thanks so much and I will
thanks so much and I will make those changes if I can figure out how lol x