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dialysis what !
he
is still on dialysis
but kith and kin don't know
when to let him go
hope God
helps them ...
the finale none know
not you... nor I...
no doc too
heaven is too busy...
we always knew
and
if there is a God
of which I have reservations....
I’m quite sure he has 7.5 billion
in the ICU
we call the world...
and
I only wish that ailing humanity
Came with life to terms
all we need is
a switch off
switch
but then who will?
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
judyanne
Fri, 2012-09-21 13:21
yea
great write loved
very clever, and sad
'he is still on dialysis
but kith and kin don't know
when to let him go
hope God helps them so' (but i'd drop the 'so')
i really like
'if there is a God
of which i have reservations....
I’m quite sure he has 7.5 billion
in the ICU
we call the world...' - lol
and i love the finish
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
loved
Fri, 2012-09-21 13:54
DROPPED AND
thanks Judy
ur kind a lady
tc of all ur kids in hospy
they all will remember you
as I will toooooooooooooooooo
loved
judyanne
Fri, 2012-09-21 14:02
one other tiny thing
thankyou for the acknowledgement in the first stanza, but to make this more succinct (imo) i'd drop that first stanza altogether now too, as it's not really needed for the theme...
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
loved
Fri, 2012-09-21 14:04
thy wish
is my command
but to obey
shall now
loved
judyanne
Fri, 2012-09-21 15:28
lol loved
why change 'he' to 'the guy'?
i think 'he' is so much better, more poetic
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
loved
Sat, 2012-09-22 01:26
got confused
corrected thanks for the interest taken
regards Judy
loved
loved
Sat, 2012-09-22 23:40
Thank you for your kind appreciation regards
"if there is a God
of which i have reservations....
I’m quite sure he has 7.5 billion
in the ICU
we call the world"
even now I realise these words are touching,
more to the credit of an
UNKNOWN DEITY,if any.
loved