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Mental Prostitute
You try so hard to be someone
then you forget what you've become.
Your day job is a constant frown,
your diadem, a leaded crown.
You strut the streets with oppulence,
yet are not paid your recompense;
you lie, you cheat, just to get by.
alone, you're broken, and you cry.
The world's a stage, but not for you.
You cannot ignore what is true:
You are a broken destitute,
at best, a mental prostitute.
Why wither, when you can regain
the treasure that you still disdain?
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words:
I really will want your opinion on this poem. It's my latest sonnet, and comes after a difficult time trying to write.
*Half feet pointed out by Beau corrected.
Editing stage:
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Comments
William Saint George
Sun, 2012-06-17 08:46
I see,
Thanks B. I got interested in the sonnet form back when I knew next to nothing about meter, so many of the sonnets I wrote then were not Shakespearean. This one isn't, and though the meter is (or seems to be) largely consistent, and it follows a strict rhyme scheme, I'll pass this on as a sonnet.
I'll correct the lines you pointed out. I'll admit I didn't think of any particular meter to write in. I just continued with what I started and before I was done: poof! A sonnet! :)
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
loved
Sun, 2012-06-17 05:40
Well sonnets are and were always 14 lines
that's all i know of poetry
ancient but your sonnet is beautiful
really handsome
can i try one ???
loved
William Saint George
Sun, 2012-06-17 08:41
Sure
I've seen a sonnet that was thirteen lines. By one of the classical poets (Keats? Can't remember). You should try one.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
loved
Mon, 2012-06-18 02:46
YOU MISSED THE
the seed
do read
loved
William Saint George
Mon, 2012-06-18 06:15
You meant "The Mirror"?
You meant "The Mirror"?
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
loved
Mon, 2012-06-18 12:57
please also do read
the seed
poem
a creative verse with no I aspect within
as Jess always says
loved