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Twilightning
With a series of chants
and a supernatural song,
one can be lifted in "twilight"
and be suddenly, gone !
Be not ambiguous
float your heart, high,
savor each moment
and cherish, each "sigh".
Should gravity lean, "heavy"
and cause one to, sway,
find solace, profound
that one's frame bends, that way;
and as the eve swallows
the day, into night;
respect every law
that governs, "twilight"!
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
judyanne
Tue, 2010-11-02 10:32
i really like the way this rolls off the tongue doc
even though i don't really know what you are saying.....
i absolutely love:
'Should gravity lean heavy
and cause one to, sway,
find solace, profound
that one's frame bends that way'
a very interesting write
love judy
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
docmaverick
Mon, 2012-01-02 08:32
Thanx Judyanne....l
...for your very generous remarks. I really can't say what I was trying to say....probably nothing.
Sincerely,
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==
Rett
Tue, 2010-11-02 10:56
Doc
As the norm, an intriguing write with a very smoth rhythm and attention to detail. It always bothers me when I cannot find anything to critique about a poem as I feel I am not doing my share. I was impressed with the quality of this one. Very well done sir.
Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin
docmaverick
Mon, 2012-01-02 08:30
As always, Rett....
...I'm late responding. Thanx soo very much for the compliment.
Always good to see you commenting. Because whether or not you realize this....every time you give a response, there are quite a few that listens; irregardless as to your content of your reply.
Fear not, friend poet! I'm always one that does.
Very sincerely,
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==
scribbler
Tue, 2010-11-02 22:50
twilight
hey doc,good to be reading you again.Only suggestion is to remove "by " in line 8..........scribbler
docmaverick
Mon, 2012-01-02 08:34
Sir scribbler....
...I did that. So, it's okay, now?
L.o.l.!
later,
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==
William Saint George
Mon, 2012-01-02 05:16
Hmmm...
Theme-wise, I'm always interested in supernatural writes, and appreciate them most when people get them right. You did.
The poem has got this air of sereni
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
docmaverick
Mon, 2012-01-02 08:36
Well, Mr. W.S.G....
...I wrote this quite a while, ago; I'm really thrilled that yopu liked my effort. Thanx, soo very much.
Very sincerely,
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==