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In Moment's Spent Desire
I lie upon your cooling breasts,
desire's rhythm spent, yet still held
within your warmth, your heated breath;
your fingers smooth along my skin,
then you softly say: "I've never
felt this, before today."
Style / type:
Free verse
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Comments
Race_9togo
Fri, 2010-11-12 06:14
Thanks Shirl,
Glad you liked it.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Race_9togo
Fri, 2010-11-12 13:10
LMAO
Yes, ma'am!
heehee that was funny.
This is my second passion poem in compliment form, as per Jonathon's devisement of the form, and I really do like the structure - short, simple, and pretty powerful.
Actually, I do have a freeform piece I'm working on right now that will almost certainly qualify for REAL criticism, heehee, but it's still not finished: a day or two more, I think, before I post it.
Thanks Chrys - for making me laugh, and for your kind opinion of my poems.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Hooded Stranger
Fri, 2010-11-12 14:07
Jim
it is never easy to capture a moment quite like this one and give it justice with words...that said, you did it my friend.
Sometimes less is more.
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
Race_9togo
Sat, 2010-11-13 16:17
Hooded,
Thank you so much.
I have to say, it is usually quite hard for me, writing about such things, mainly because I take so long to say them, lol, then have to edit, cut, crunch and smash my way down to something that is readable.
But, with this compliment form of Jonathon's, I find it easier to encapulate the meaning right from the start. A little counter-intuitive, I know, but it works well for me.
It occurs to me, as well, that this form might be useful in the writing of lyrics, since the form forces one into a certain cadence, one that I think would lend itself well to songs.
But then, I'm just a poet, not a songwriter, lol.
Thanks again,
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Hooded Stranger
Mon, 2010-11-15 16:43
Compliment Form
Jim,
I haven't used the form mainly because I am not sure that it will be of any benefit to me, especially since I only ever use one word titles...I just always have and don't feel the need to change.
I may give it a go but to be honest it doesn't excite me at all. I hope it works for others who need a new form and I will be checking out people's attempts at it. Hopefully it will become a competition. I don't do competitions either!! Lol!...stuck in my old ways!!
Thanks anyway,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
Race_9togo
Mon, 2010-11-15 18:05
Hooded,
I was thinking more of the meter in the body of the form, rather than the title. Since it's structure is so rigid, I thought that it might lend itself to the accompaniment of musical beat and rhythym, that's all.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Hooded Stranger
Mon, 2010-11-15 18:10
Jim
JIm,
I'll investigate it some...can't hurt to try now can it,
cheers mate,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
Race_9togo
Sat, 2010-11-13 16:20
Hi Rosina
LOL I thought you'd enjoy this one, thanks for reading.
I do like this short compliment form quite a lot.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Victorclaude
Sat, 2010-11-13 18:00
Jim,
Jim,
There is something that surrounds this poem that is shining!
Nice. . .
Ciao,
Victor
"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."
Unknown (at least to me)
Race_9togo
Sun, 2010-11-14 03:51
:)
Thanks Victor!
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
ziggy
Mon, 2010-11-15 12:43
hi
nothing to crit ere, except I was wanting more
the first two lines would be my fav as to how
they sound ,,,,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
Race_9togo
Mon, 2010-11-15 16:22
Zigs,
yes, that is my favorite part as well, because it's so visual.
Yah, it is short, but that's why I like it - it packs more of a punch, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for reading and enjoying.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Race_9togo
Tue, 2010-11-16 15:13
:)
Thanks, Ngaio, glad that you found it so enjoyable.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo