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Psalm of Faith

Submitted by Leslie on Tue, 2024-06-25 13:36

Don't turn your tail and run my friend
the battle is all but won
The powers of darkness which now prevail
soon will come undone
The time has come to witness
the things we've heard and seen
With God and angels at our side
we can conquer anything.
Then stand with strength and honor
and heartily lift a strain
A song to Him who gave us life
yes to the King of kings!.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Before I came to neopoet everything that I wrote was spiritual in nature, but with my current situation I feel constrained to write in this way. It is my hope that the darkness on and in all of our lives will soon be swept away!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-06-25 19:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Psalm of Faith" demonstrates a strong use of rhyme and rhythm, which helps to create a sense of musicality and flow. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of punctuation. For example, the line "Don't turn tail and run my friend" could use a comma after "run" to clarify the intended pause and enhance readability.

Secondly, the poem's message of faith and resilience is clear, but the imagery used to convey this message could be more vivid and unique. For example, "The powers of darkness which now prevail" is a common trope that could be replaced with more original and specific imagery to create a stronger emotional impact.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent meter. While some lines adhere to a clear rhythmic structure, others, such as "With God and angels at our side we can conquer anything," are noticeably longer and disrupt the poem's rhythm.

In conclusion, while the poem effectively communicates its theme of faith and resilience, it could be improved by refining its punctuation, enhancing its imagery, and ensuring a consistent meter.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Tue, 2024-06-25 14:38

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The lines:

"We've given our eyes to see His face
and what now, will it profit us
if we conclude this race."

Just seem a little bit unwieldy.
Try as I might, I cannot speak these words aloud or even in my head making it smooth.
Your theme is good, as it resonates with many folks. It has consistency, and a good measure of faith. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

kowque

Wed, 2024-06-26 23:58

kowque's picture

I think that we can't always avoid what our eyes see to be politically correct

I get the sensitivity of the subject though

#torn

Koki

Leslie

Thu, 2024-06-27 00:18

Leslie's picture

As far as metaphysics or spirituality go I'm all for it and something good is coming even at the doorsteps!

All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!

author comment

Leslie

Tue, 2024-06-25 20:48

Leslie's picture

It definitely was, but I removed a few lines, so what do you think now

All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2024-06-26 06:51

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It reads much smoother now. Great going. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Leslie

Wed, 2024-06-26 13:14

Leslie's picture

Thanks for looking at it again.

All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!

author comment

kowque

Wed, 2024-06-26 23:56

kowque's picture

The devil was the angel of light ....

I actually really enjoyed reading this

I love the existing imigary used.

❤️

Koki

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