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Unscripted
If this moment were a movie
I'd be out in the pouring rain
On my knees, looking up
Tears mixing with the grain
Someone would tell me that
I can never, ever stop trying
I'd nod and dry my tears,
Say my dreams aren't dying
If this moment were a movie
It would be the desperate act
It would be the moment I learn
A rather life-changing fact
But it's not a cinematic universe
I'm not projected on a screen
I'm not the character there
Every second of every scene
I'm not the character rooted for
I'm the underdog no one can see
I don't have the coach or miracle
Only I know the person I can be
There's no love interest here
Pushing me to be better
There's not a love confession
Or a heartbreaking letter
There's not two big chances
Between which I have to choose
I'm standing solo, the only one
Who knows what I have to lose
Cinema is overrated entertainment
Life just doesn't work that way
You don't just get an easy free pass
Don't get another chance every day
So be the director and producer
Write your story you encrypted
The most incredible stories are
The ones that are Unscripted
Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-02-28 03:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Unscripted" effectively uses the metaphor of life as a movie to explore themes of self-determination and reality versus fiction. The contrast between the cinematic tropes and the harsh realities of life is well-drawn and helps to emphasize the poem's central message. However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of these themes.
The poem's structure is consistent, with a regular rhyme scheme and rhythm that lends a sense of stability to the narrative. However, the language and imagery used could be more evocative and original. For instance, the phrases "out in the pouring rain", "tears mixing with the grain", and "standing solo" are somewhat clichéd and do not add much depth or specificity to the poem's imagery. The use of more unique and personal images could help to make the poem more engaging and emotionally resonant.
The poem's message about the importance of self-determination and authenticity is clear and effectively conveyed. However, the poem could delve deeper into the complexities of these themes. For instance, it could explore the challenges and rewards of rejecting societal scripts and forging one's own path, or the tension between the desire for a preordained narrative and the uncertainty of an unscripted life.
The poem's tone is consistent and appropriate for its themes. It maintains a balance between a sense of disillusionment with the artificiality of cinema and a determination to create one's own story. However, the poem could benefit from a more varied and dynamic emotional range. For instance, it could incorporate moments of doubt, hope, frustration, or triumph to create a more nuanced and engaging emotional landscape.
In conclusion, "Unscripted" is a poem with a clear and compelling central metaphor and theme. With some refinement of its language, imagery, thematic exploration, and emotional range, it could become a more powerful and resonant piece.
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Geezer
Tue, 2024-02-27 22:47
There are ...
lines that seem a little off in rhythm.
I thought I might help with them:
A most basic life changing fact
I'm the underdog no one sees
But I know the person I can be
Here, there isn't two big chances
You just don't get free passes
Don't get chances every day
Write the story you encrypted
I know that will be those that say there are a few more, but I think that as they roll off the tongue
they resolve themselves, as you always need the longer, more pronounced lines to head in a new direction.
I like this one lots. ~ Geez.
.
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Shelby Pryor
Mon, 2024-03-04 16:18
Geezer
Thank you for the advice and kind words, I really appreciate it!!!