Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Granddaughters
Granddaughters come into our lives
Each at a different time and year
All bringing love and cheer
Their smiles brighten up our days
Whether it rains or shines
Filling us with loving rays
Their hugs bring love and affection
Each day and each year
Guiding us in the right direction
We cherish the love and cheers
Watching them grow and prosper
Fulfilling their goals and careers
We thank our God for these girls
For each and every one of them
Are our greatest pearls
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-07-14 20:33
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Granddaughters" effectively communicates a sense of warmth and affection towards the subject matter. The use of imagery, such as "smiles brighten up our days" and "Filling us with loving rays", contributes to the overall positive and loving tone of the poem.
However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from a more rigorous approach to meter and rhythm. The poem seems to aim for a consistent rhyme scheme, but the meter fluctuates, which can disrupt the flow for readers. For example, the third line of the first stanza has only four syllables, while the other lines have between six and eight. This inconsistency can be jarring.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from more specific and unique descriptions. While phrases like "love and cheer" and "love and affection" convey the general sentiment, they are somewhat generic. Using more specific imagery or anecdotes could make the poem more engaging and emotionally resonant.
Finally, the last stanza introduces a religious element with the line "We thank our God for these girls". If this is a key theme of the poem, it could be introduced earlier and developed more fully to provide a more cohesive and impactful message. If it's not a key theme, consider whether it's necessary, as it may distract from the main focus of the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Alex Tanner
Sat, 2023-07-15 10:20
I liked it
This made me think of my own seemingly countless grand and great grandchildren. I love them all dearly but can never get a word in when with them. I am called, by one in particular, 'Silly Papa', The other granddad is 'Sensible Papa'. Must be a poem there somewhere.
Clentin
Sat, 2023-07-15 10:39
Thank you for reading and
Thank you for reading and your comments. I appreciate it very much