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A box of sand
I wish I could box my angst like sand
and leave it all covered for a sunny day
to air my troubles, my woes in the light
where I could see them clearly and say
to angst and fear, then, near at hand,
uncovered, unmasked, let’s put you right;
not in the corner, nor hidden from view but
exposed to the sunlight, unboxed and made one
with beach and ocean, the shore, where feet
can print the steps of a man under the sun
now rising in the east and behind me anew
is a vision made whole and not yet complete.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Tue, 2023-02-21 11:18
A Box of Sand
Hello, Patrick,
At first I thought this a very original and interesting rhyme pattern, and then noticed it was free verse. Still,,. a touch of rhyme here! This is dreamlike and thought-provoking. I very much like your title and theme, and the poem flows smoothly. Lovely final couplet. I read in your bio that you like William Carlos Williams and Mary Oliver. I see a nice influence of both here!
Thank you!
L
Patrick Terrence
Tue, 2023-02-21 14:39
Rhyme vs Free
Thanks, Lavender. I don't quite know how to classify and am still confused about what determines free verse and what determines rhyme. Are they mutually exclusive?
Lavender
Tue, 2023-02-21 18:14
Hello, Patrick,
I didn't mean to confuse you. I saw you had it listed as free verse. There are so many rhymes here, I thought it was perhaps a different rhyme form. I would be curious as to how other readers think it should be classified. ( It's actually a pretty intriguing poem in this regard.) For the poem, there is a gentle smooth flow that really appeals to the reader, and your theme is relatable and inspiring.
Thank you!
L