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Twenty horses & A Chariot to Hell
Consumed within the quiet
I fail to notice death arrive
he drove a chariot from hell
yet I felt no fear inside
As I climbed aboard
I shed my earthly dress,
a shroud of stardust glided
down across my breast
As we started moving
I asked where we would go
but the twenty horses pulling
they looked to me to know
I didn't see us take off
these beauties pulled so slow
death said he wanted me
to once more see and flow
We passed the setting sun
climbing into the dark night
we grazed a moon so bright
yet I knew not fear of blight
into the night we climbed
past castles made of light
over oceans of bright stars
green comets in my sight
I finally had to ask
when would I arrive
would I know hellfire
like the burning bride
Or will the steeds lead us
onward up to the heaven
would I see my ancestors
gathering at Eleven
When death removed his hood
I cinched my eyes real tight
finally when I opened them
my heart was free of fright
Death was gazing down
asked why I had felt fear
my task on earth completed
Love waits for you my dear
Comments
Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-02-16 13:10
dear Sis,
what you have written is so very lovely! I cannot chose favorite lines, for they all resonate. you are a wonderful story teller... a natural!
* love, siscat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-23 05:02
Dearest One
I am absolutely blown away at how you liked this one, I am surprised at how everyone likes it if im honest I didn't think it was that good but then I never know if they are any good until y'all give me your feedback.
thanks for reading this one and I apologise for the late reply I thought I'd already replied to everyone it's been a big week!
love you always Lilbit xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Rula
Thu, 2023-02-16 13:49
hello Seren
what a great take of the theme. I am trying to come up with sth to meet the challenge but can't really think of anything good that would compete with such an entry. You and the others are giving hard time to the judges.
best wishes dear.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-23 05:07
Dearest Rula
Thank you so much for your kind comment, I actually bubbled this one in my mind all day, it's how I do it they needle at my mind until I go there it is! and then I write it down.
I have read a few of the entries I don't know if I have read them all I will have to go take a look, I think there are some really good entries in this competition I am glad I am not the one judging all of them.
thanks for your visit it is so good to see you again I am going to be reading later tonight and I plan on paying you a visit.
hugs and love Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Rosewood Apothecary
Thu, 2023-02-16 14:02
Off she goes
I also love the heavens and they love me back for all time. We them our allegiance and most of the ancient people revered the movements of the celestial bodies.
This is reminiscent of Earendil the mariner sailing across the night sky with the Silmaril in full radiance upon his brow.
So damn beautiful
Tim
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-23 05:14
Smiles
If I have a love it's the night it's when I feel the most alive, I'm never happier than on a starry night with the full moon shining, but I also like the nights when there is no moon and all the stars are out.
Omg you've done it again I had to delete a little of my comment I think another poem has been born, that's twice your comments have inspired something.
You could not have given me a greater compliment, to compare this in any way to Earendil the Mariner, well to say I am chuffed is an understatement.
Kind regards Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Poets Hand
Thu, 2023-02-16 15:25
Dear Seren
As usual your poem is breathtaking in imagery as well as being insightful. Not knowing where you are going or when you would arrive adds mystery to the fantastic nightscape you paint.
I loved it from start to finish.
Poets Hand
Hannah
Poets Hand
Thu, 2023-02-16 15:25
Dear Seren
As usual your poem is breathtaking in imagery as well as being insightful. Not knowing where you are going or when you would arrive adds mystery to the fantastic nightscape you paint.
I loved it from start to finish.
Poets Hand
Hannah
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-23 05:54
Dear Hannah
Thank you so much your kind comments they are always appreciated, I got a little turned around with life this week and I thought I had already answered everyone on this one maybe it was only in my mind lol,
I'm really glad you liked it I always come away from your work feeling like ive been on another adventure, you're truly are a naturally gifted storyteller.
Love Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Lightning Dust
Thu, 2023-02-16 19:05
Dear OJ
You have marked your place in heaven, your mind already lives in the stars.
This is so beautiful girl. I cried.
Love from us both L&J
Jane just said it reminds her of an Emily Dickinson poem we're both racking our brains here.
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-23 06:08
Dear L
Thanks so much for your kind comment I really do appreciate it very much, I hope you're starting to feel better, and I know it may take some time.
(((((healing hugs)))))
love to you both J xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
RoseBlack
Thu, 2023-02-16 21:08
Incredible
Just incredible... absolutely love everything about this! You made that last ride truly magical! Well done!
~RoseBlack~
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-23 06:09
Dear Cassie
Thank you so much for your read and your very kind comment, Glad you enjoyed the ride!!!
love and biggest hugs Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Geezer
Thu, 2023-02-16 23:02
A great poem...
I waited with baited breath, for the final destination!
Only problem I saw was the [steeds] bringing you to heaven.
Love this! Why fear death? He's not always a spectere to be feared.
Sometimes, he is very gentle. Good job!
Visit my poem: "Death is a Gentleman"
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-23 06:15
Dearest Bro
Thanks so much for the catch I don't know how that happened, it's not a word I would ever spell wrong, but I did, lol good catch anyway!! I'm really glad you liked this one I went on the ride hoping I could make the ride as smoothly as possible.
I will take a look later tonight at that poem you suggested I truly appreciate the visit, the read and my spelling mistake!!
love an higgliest bugs Sis xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Leslie
Fri, 2023-02-17 06:03
GREAT POEM
I WOUDN'T SAY ANYTHING MORE THAN HAS ALREADY BEEN SAID. VERY WELL WRITTEN. I HAD NEVER CONTEMPATED THIS VIEW. INTERESTING HOW EACH POET REACHES SIMILAR DESTINATIONS FROM SO MANY
DIFFERENT ANGLES. THANK YOU FOR THE TRIP!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
Leslie
Fri, 2023-02-17 06:03
GREAT POEM
I WOUDN'T SAY ANYTHING MORE THAN HAS ALREADY BEEN SAID. VERY WELL WRITTEN. I HAD NEVER CONTEMPATED THIS VIEW. INTERESTING HOW EACH POET REACHES SIMILAR DESTINATIONS FROM SO MANY
DIFFERENT ANGLES. THANK YOU FOR THE TRIP!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-23 06:19
Dear Aesthetic Night
It's funny how we can all take three words and turn them into different worlds, I am really glad you liked this one I truly do appreciate it. Thank you for the visit and the read its truly appreciated.
kind regards Seren/Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
scribbler
Fri, 2023-02-17 21:31
Well.....
I might as well remove my poem for this contest
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-23 06:22
Nuff of that 'ere!!
This Chariot race isn't over I know there are some really good writes out there that including yours!!!
love and hugs Sis x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
magics02
Tue, 2023-02-28 22:14
Beautiful
I went on that chariot ride reading this and I loved the ending
"Death was gazing down
asked why I had felt fear
my task on earth completed
Love waits for you my dear"
And it does, and it will, and it shall.
This was beautifully written and I loved your visuals. Like I said it put me on that chariot ride right along beside you.
Great job!