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E L L I P S E
crush
the history
of powder shadow
you streak
with treacle
mischief
discern me with
your mirror lull
the soft green
world
lush and deep
where now you
haunt me
dream and sleep
Editing stage:
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Comments
Esker
Wed, 2011-02-23 12:18
and....................
what? what?
the collision come and gone
the years immersed and mixed
how much transposed
the hostel gleam transpired
for each and every
moment
......
Geezer
Wed, 2011-02-23 14:12
The sparseness...
of your work, forces me to "constantly" examine it closely, to discern the lull in my perception. The "hostel gleam" transpires the breath of belonging. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-02-24 03:01
it is odd to add your own comment first.
There is always the option of "Last few words " when posting.
Love the lines-
you streak
with treacle
mischief
Love the read, sorry, no constructive feedback. It has, as Geezer says "The sparseness... of your work, forces me to "constantly" examine it closely, to discern the lull in my perception."
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Esker
Thu, 2011-02-24 15:26
Fairy tails
blame if on the fear aand balm
the great readership
when dusk came
and nighttime set us
in our sheets
and on our way with words
from the books
all classics withe colour plates
beautifully done
when bookmaking was an art
and craft
(like poetry)