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NOT NAKED
NOT NAKED
I'm not voiceless
surely not a dog that can't bark
I'm not dumb and mute
certainly not a lion that can't roar
Like the adornment of a new bride
the shell adorns a snail
Like the night broods the dawn
the albumen covers the yolk
Like the pregnant sky put
a smile on the face of the earth
your charity has rubbed the powder
of gladness on the face of my heart
Like an aesthetic painting
the stripes beautify a Zebra
Like a coat of many colours
feathers give birds an edge
in the realm of flying creatures
I'm not naked
men are my raiment of royal rest
I'm not naked
people are my garments of honour
that speak the diction of love.
'Dunni Ebenco
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Huzzy king
Sat, 2022-05-14 04:09
I think the pattern is a
I think the pattern is a little inconsistent.
Beautiful ending it has however.
Nice work all together.
Dunni Ebenco
Sat, 2022-05-21 01:37
Reply
Thank you, Huzzy king.
Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-05-14 10:07
hello, nice to meet you!
I like the title and your language usage. this poem has lovely flow through. my favorite lines are:
people are my garments of honour
that speak the diction of love.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Dunni Ebenco
Sat, 2022-05-21 01:38
Thank you, candlewitch.
Thank you, candlewitch.
Jackweb
Sat, 2022-05-14 11:14
Nice piece !
Strong personification "Like the pregnant sky put
a smile on the face of the earth..."
I like your poetic mastery of using that literary tool to heightened the effect.
Beautiful composition!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Dunni Ebenco
Sat, 2022-05-21 01:40
Thank you, Cosmos.
Thank you, Cosmos.