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A Love I Dress Up

Submitted by Michelle wildmoon on Sun, 2022-04-17 02:39

To begin a love
I Dress up
Desire, in
A black lace
negligee
with red trim
and a bow
To adorn the ticklish
Intersection of my moons
Something he will never see
And to him
Is sleazy
He’s a stranger now

I like the feel of it
on my skin
Silky as a robe
On a Queen
I wonder when I stop
Dreaming of him
I venture forth
I aim to walk
With No thought
but
The maybes
The sighs
The longings
Tug at my collar

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Sun, 2022-04-17 04:47

Candlewitch's picture
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welcome to Neopoet, it is very nice to meet you! we are a family community of poets, who not only post our own work, but read each others work/poetry and critique or comment on it. I admire your poem, full of sorrow, longing. desire and hope! my favorite lines are:

The maybes
The sighs
The longings
Tug at my collar

excellent work!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Michelle wildmoon

Sun, 2022-04-17 18:12

Michelle wildmoon's picture

Cat,
Thank you so much for the warm welcome and the feedback. I feel honored to have you read my poem. I am so grateful for you.
Thank you,
Michelle

author comment

Ray Whitaker

Fri, 2022-04-22 16:33

Ray Whitaker's picture

I am looking forward to reading more of your work.

This piece shows much promise. I'd put in a different form -IMHO would be more readable, with the same words. as below.

To begin a love I dress up Desire,
in a black lace negligee
with red trim and a bow.
To adorn the ticklish
intersection of my moons
(something he will never see)
and to him is sleazy.

He’s a stranger now.

I like the feel of it
on my skin silky as a robe on a Queen.
I wonder when will I stop
dreaming of him.
I venture forth
I aim to walk with no thought
but the maybes.

The sighs, the longings tug at my collar.

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