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Spreading wings FV creation
The marriage of Oeagrus
sandal dust rose
in the overcast affliction
of midday
I was reaching for rain
when
horizon born Calliope
touching clouds like a spear
appeared
her lustrous beauty
in an instance of blinding fire
ate my nakedness
approaching
but then again
a vision of the wind in flux
Oh, save me
the lamb of subjection covered me
the smell of sandal dust
and steel mixed with blood
I begged her eyes
highlighting her golden girdle
soporific sunshine
slept...
for this age of waste, was,
in my eyes
as I wept
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Hope it's okay. I expanded on an exercise in free verse. I don't really appreciate the (form) like others do, but thought I would throw this out there to the sharks.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
scribbler
Fri, 2021-07-30 12:43
Well, I don't write a lot of free verse
But I have found doing so once in a while actually helps me in my preferred western classic writing. I suggest you also "force" youself to write in free verse outside this shop some for the same reason
Geezer
Sat, 2021-07-31 12:17
It is...
a nice change to pursue that free verse, every now and then. When you catch it right, it is a great trophy. I enjoyed this one from you. I would change just one thing! In the line; "the smell of sandal dust" I would use [sandalwood] instead of sandal dust. Most people know the smell of sandalwood and it is an exceedingly pleasant smell which can be associated with the idea of olfactory use in this line. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Triskelion
Mon, 2021-08-02 13:15
Thanks scribbler and Geezer
I'm not sure how to respond to your comments. In a sense, when I prepare to write a traditional poem, I do sort of arrange my thoughts in (free verse) before I begin. Does that make sense?
Geezer, Is there any particular stanza that you like more than another?
Thomas
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...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Geezer
Tue, 2021-08-03 09:14
Yes...
the last one. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Obadiah Grey
Tue, 2021-08-03 13:47
Some wonderful phrases in
Some wonderful phrases in this!
Very muchly enjoyed.
Obi.