Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
haiku (spring contest)
old man's last hurrah
in yellow fields of laughter-
fresh tulip snow-cones!
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2021-06-12 01:24
This makes...
me think of drinking dandelion wine from buttercups! Tulip snow-cones could be those frozen icy things you get from the ice cream man. Beautiful colors! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
ROSYME
Sat, 2021-06-12 23:10
Please check is it
5 7 5
Triskelion
Sat, 2021-06-12 23:22
Thanks lovedly
It is not. I can't think of a word to put in L3 without disturbing the flow. I thought about it for a while now.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Triskelion
Sat, 2021-06-12 23:23
Dang...
Dandelion wine...I had a friend when I was young whose father made different wines. He gave me a dusty bottle of that for a date I was going on. I think if he had known how nice it came out, he might have given me something else, (but then you could never tell with him) Thanks for waking that memory and thanks for reading.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Geezer
Sun, 2021-06-13 12:44
You could use...
most any one syllable color. Red, blue, white. [ Blue is the one I like. ]
~Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Triskelion
Sun, 2021-06-13 15:18
That actually helped
me think a little broader. I think I'm happy with it now. Thanks Geezer
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Geezer
Mon, 2021-06-14 01:07
Great choice!...
I like it better than my suggestion! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.