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Transient love
Love! It is like the cloud that melts
in the rays of the hot sun;
it is like the blossom that opens
at dawn only to wither at nightfall.
Love! It is the harmony that pleasure's rush
sends through your heart then dies;
it is like the flame of the firefly
transient and doomed to fade.
Style / type:
Free verse
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
lovedly
Tue, 2021-02-02 12:20
Lovely description then ends all....
like the blossom
that opens
at dawn
Geezer
Tue, 2021-02-02 12:44
Although...
I disagree with your assessment of love, you do have a good piece of work here. Welcome to Neopoet. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Lavender
Tue, 2021-02-02 17:17
Transient Love
Hello, Midge,
You've sized up the extreme highs and lows of love in a brief, but strong poem. I like that you've used an exclamation point after the first "Love!" I was immediately curious. I did notice that you used "dies" and "die" close together in the same stanza. Perhaps find another word for one of them? Welcome!
Thank you!
Lavender
Midge
Wed, 2021-02-03 11:53
Ta!
Thanks to all for nice comments & esp. to Lavender for a good point which i have acted on.
Lavender
Wed, 2021-02-03 11:59
Hi, Midge
Very nice edit!
L
Geezer
Wed, 2021-02-03 16:32
I agree!...
Very nice!
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.