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The Song I Couldn't Write
Inside my head the tune does play
the melody so sweet
Like the rhythm of a summer rain
as it falls upon the trees
As I feel it flow throughout me
it gives me inner peace
But as I try to add the words
the pain brings me to my knees
It's not for lack of knowledge
nor are there too few thoughts
It's not for lack of love
battles won or battles fought
The words are all around me
drifting in and floating by
When I piece them all together
they come out a woeful cry
So this song will have no words
though the music will be sweet
Perhaps a solo saxophone
to convey a love so deep
If you listen very closely
and allow yourself to feel
You may be quite surprised
what the lack of words reveal
It's a song for all to cherish
both young and old alike
A song to bring all happiness
no matter what your life
A song of peace and harmony
a song of war no more
A song of puppies and rainbows
beautiful sunsets galore....
Coming soon, to an imaginary juke box near you.
Comments
scribbler
Sat, 2020-07-04 16:40
Hello
Some songs can never be put into words. Yet we Can long for them to be. Last line second stanza try "they become a woeful cry" just a thought
jetz
Sun, 2020-07-05 05:11
Thanks for the read,
Stan, greatly appreciated. Thanks for your
suggestion. It doesn't seem as if such a
small change would make a difference and
honestly, to my ear I don't see a difference.
Can you tell me why you feel that? I would
have thought my "near rhymes" would have
brought a few niggles.
Thanks again for your time Stan. I look
forward to your response.
Sue
scribbler
Thu, 2020-07-09 16:27
Hmmmmm
They come out sounds like an actual creature coming out to me. While the other way it seems they are transformed. but it's Your poem so all I do is throw out alternatives, it's up to you whether they work for you or not
jetz
Fri, 2020-07-10 20:00
Thanks Stan,
I appreciate your time, and suggestions, honest I do. I'm not up to speed with
how things happen here. I have forgotten how intense it can be.
Thanks guy. I'll give it another look when I get a minute. Busy time of the year
now with the garden.
Sue
scribbler
Sat, 2020-07-11 00:32
LOL
intense? well compared to other sites maybe so
jetz
Sun, 2020-07-12 02:57
You laugh...
I forget, when I'm away, how intense it is!
I write as a hobby...I'm lucky I spell my name
right at the end, let alone get all the poetic
doodads correct . I'm more " hey, nice font."
So yah Stan, intense when people I respect
offer advice. :) Thanks guy.
Sue
c lynn brooks
Sun, 2020-07-05 14:42
jets
one minor.very minor in fact suggestion take the "s" off reveal
other than that very nice rhyming pattern
good wording
and I could almost hear a melody
Chrys
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jetz
Fri, 2020-07-10 20:12
Thanks Lynn.
This isn't a new poem and I remember I pondered that s at the time.
I even think someone else told me to drop it and for whatever reason
I didn't fix it. Let's hope I remember this time..
Glad you liked it other than that. I appreciate the read.
Thanks again,
Sue
Geezer
Wed, 2020-07-08 09:06
Sorry I missed...
this one. Don't know how it could have happened. Must be the lack of sleep; with all those damned fireworks the past week. Anyway, I really like this and yes, I wanted a longer poem and got what I asked for. I agree with Chrys, get rid of the ess on reveal. you did just fine with the near rhyme; it should be a tool in everyone's box. Not many people use it and some that do, aren't very good at it. I could hear that forlorn and moody sax in the background and it sent shivers down my spine. You have conveyed a very good story with your words that lend music to it. You surprise me often and rarely disappoint. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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jetz
Fri, 2020-07-10 20:31
Thanks Gee
much appreciate your kind words. That sax is the best part of the song, ain't it? :)
No worries. Glad you got to read this one. Have a great evening.
Sue
raj
Thu, 2020-07-09 08:24
Hi Sue
It was a pleasant experience to read this free flowing poem and feel it..its rhythm and the effect.of peace and harmony the words created....
be well..
raj (sublime_ocean)
jetz
Sun, 2020-07-12 03:00
Thanks Raj
glad you like it. It's a bit too "We Are The World-ish" but,
it's the way it went when writing. You know how that goes.
Thanks again, my friend.
Sue