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Happy Place...
Home from work and at the day's end
Coming home to a smiling face
My little fur-balls wagging their tails
I've come home to my happy place
The stress of the day, all goes away
The kids want hugs and kisses
My little fur-balls jumping and barking
I just need to hold the Mrs.
They each need attention, want some of me
I just don't know how to do it
So much excitement and so much love
Each wanting me to prove it
I want such big arms, encompass it all
Grab them all to my wild beating heart
Family and friends, I need them so
A big breath, open door and start
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Another poem with my son. We are getting more comfortable with this arrangement.
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Wed, 2018-01-31 12:49
Excellent, touch
but what WTF are fur-balls?
Sorry mate, I can't help thinking of testicles.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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Geezer
Thu, 2018-02-01 13:26
The furballs...
are my sons dogs. He has three little Pomeranian/Chihuahua/Yorkie mix. My son suffers from anxiety/depression and this is an account of coming home to where he feels safe and loved. High emotions of any kind are a big thing to him; not just those that produce agitation and worry. They are ballsy too! ~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
raj
Thu, 2018-02-01 15:25
Your poem creates the warmth
Your poem creates the warmth of home coming as well as the predicament of not being able to live up to the expectations of the loved ones. Nicely crafted creating imagery and mood...
Reminds me of a song I had attempted to write long ago..
Home is a place
not just sand and bricks
with roof on top and fancy things
it's a place we build
twig by twig
for the birds to return each night...
Regards..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geezer
Fri, 2018-02-02 09:13
My son...
manages to work and have a life outside of the home, but it is a difficult thing each day. He more than lives up to our expectations. He lives with his girlfriend and five children and three dogs. Yes, a home is more than the parts that make it up. The most important part is the people that live there. Thank you for your comments and the poem. I see that you understand. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lonlyhrtsclub13
Thu, 2018-02-01 16:56
This is a feeling
I know very well :) There is nothing like the unconditional love and bond of our furry friends. They love us when we feel that we are unlovable, provide warmth and security when we seem to be running low on it. Not to mention the healing affects from their friendship and affection. Love this write.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Geezer
Fri, 2018-02-02 09:24
Thank you...
Yes, it is so nice to have them and be able to count on them for the unequivocal love and support.
Thank you for your red and comment. ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.