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Soul mate - (a minute poem) with spoken word
https://soundcloud.com/rula68/soul-mate-a-minute-poem
I let my feelings once go free,
and flee to be,
like autumn's breeze,
that flows in ease,
and have my heart to go that far,
above the star,
but you'd surprise
(I tell no lies)
I found it there, where you have been,
as loving hearts are meant to twin,
and have their fill
of love and thrill.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Sun, 2017-04-16 09:24
hello Mark
I have done a slight modification to meet the form requirements. It should be 8,4,4,4 in three stanzas. 12 lines in 60 syllables. That's it. Too easy and really cool.. Just pick the theme, not necessarily a love poem. you might consider writing about anything else and there you are.
Thank you for your words
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Rula
Sun, 2017-04-16 08:44
Dearest Audri
Nice to meet you as well. Thank you so much for your visit and your thoughts. I see what you mean, however , if you have noticed, this is a form called (minute poetry) that goes in 12 lines and 60 syllables, hence comes the name, and any change will affect the form. Hope that makes a bit of sense.
Here is more about it if you like to give it a shot.
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/minute.html
Thanks again for your kind comment.
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Rula
Sun, 2017-04-16 09:31
If you have
three stanzas with 20 syllables in each stanza (8,4,4,4), then you absolutely have a minute poem. (60 syllables) no matter how much time you had to compose it dear Mark. :)
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wesley snow
Sun, 2017-04-16 16:07
Again you amaze me.
Student no more.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Rula
Sun, 2017-04-16 16:38
Thank you sir
I am really humbled by your kind words. They mean more than you'd ever imagine.
Thank you.
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jane210660
Tue, 2017-04-18 04:09
Hi Rula
I've never written a minute poem before.
I find fairly strict patterns quite difficult to adhere to.
Hats off, you nailed it.
Thought the reading was lovely, what a good idea to use background music.
Jx
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Rula
Tue, 2017-04-18 16:12
Hello Jane
and many thanks for your supporting words. I am happy to know you thought the background music is nice. When no one commented, I thought no one cares about the reading :)
Appreciate it highly dear.
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Rula
Wed, 2017-04-19 14:23
Thank you Mark
Hope you're not banging it in despair though hahaha.
Just kidding. Really thank you.
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themoonman
Wed, 2017-04-19 05:09
Hi Rula,
What a treat to hear your
voice ... thanks and I like
your minute poem, cool.
Richard
Rula
Wed, 2017-04-19 14:29
Hello Richard
Long time no seen. I am really humbled with your words.
Great to know you've enjoyed reading this little piece. Love poems were never my cup of tea and that's why I'm trying to experiment different forms with this subject and get out of my comfort zone.
Again many thanks for your kind visit.
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scribbler
Wed, 2017-04-19 16:07
Hi Rula
Sitting in the library
where near silence is expected of me
it hardly come as a surprise
that I can use naught but my eyes
So though I turned to the sound cloud
I guess they thought it was too loud
so I'll just be forced to wait
to hear your words in future date
I think this took about 45 seconds lol.....slow typer..........stan
Rula
Wed, 2017-04-19 16:22
Thank you Stan
No hurries indeed. Hope all is good.
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Keith Logan
Wed, 2017-04-26 12:07
I looked up minute poem
so strictly speaking the second line of the third verse fails the definition. Having said that, it works beautifully and that's all that matters in the end.
Keith Logan
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Esker
Thu, 2017-04-27 07:16
my play it up of the paradise proxy..
are meant to twine
and have their
fill of love and wine...
august..autumn
love the name autumn
knew an autumn
sweet gentle
survived the storms
ah rula....the hearted
one...
morning...the star
was up...today
a pleasant soft
air..but behind it
the fury is coming
i can sense it
so i enjoy the
beauty of the
calm now...
thank U for this poem
mr wolf!