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Gym Blues
Exercising is not fun.
It hurts when I do it,
it hurts when I'm done.
Personal trainers are demons from hell.
"One more, you can do it"
they scream and they yell.
Feel the burn,
stomach turns.
No pain, no gain --
No problem!
Reps and sets,
dripping sweat.
Sweet Jesus,
are we finished yet?
I met a Jim at the gym,
all ripped, buff and slim.
Pumps iron with ease
while I grunt, groan and wheeze.
I hate Jim
and the gym.
Endorphin euphoria,
don't think I know ya
or the natural high that you send.
When my workout is over I'll go home alone.
Hello, Ben Gay, my old friend.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
brittle light
Sat, 2016-06-11 18:25
enjoyable, the poem , not the
enjoyable, the poem , not the gym.
humor makes me laugh, that's my workout.
regards,
Al
China Blue
Sat, 2016-06-11 18:29
Mike
amusing. I have one question why does it end so abruptly
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
brittle light
Sat, 2016-06-11 20:28
I just had to jump in here..
I just had to jump in here...couldn't help myself
Chrys, you do realize that "Ben Gay" is a liniment, a muscle pain reliever? If not, that's probably why it seemed to end so abruptly.
sorry , not really my place to try to answer your question , but....
I did anyway,
Al
China Blue
Sun, 2016-06-12 11:18
yes I do
yes I do
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
DiPrima
Mon, 2016-06-13 23:01
Thanks for jumping in
May you never run out of Ben Gay. Enjoy your poetry.
Mike
jane210660
Sun, 2016-06-12 07:44
What's a gym???? Such is my
What's a gym???? Such is my dedication to matters of fitness :-)
I enjoyed this and it did give me a brief reminder of my Jane Fonda workout days - and why I stopped making a fool of myself in front of the telly. :-)
Well that and the fact I could no longer fit into my day glo pink with silver sparkles all in one lycra exercise jump suit. I wore it loads, but it never made me lose weight! Jx
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DiPrima
Mon, 2016-06-13 22:57
Lycra Jump Suit
Thanks, Jane. I can't get into mine either. Glad it brought back a memory or two.
Mike
Esker
Sun, 2016-06-12 10:21
enjoyable
"I hate Jim" made me laugh
I tried too keep up with regulars once
could hardly work my hard work
the next day!
fifty leg reps lifting fifty pounds
a brutal day that was next!
Ben Gay...
I always have a linament
tube and used to have the
Watkins Horse Linament
in a bottle
humor in poetry is great
I am rather dour and dark
but I love the lightness
of being!
this poem captures
this bang on!
thank U!
DiPrima
Mon, 2016-06-13 21:09
Thanks for the Ben Gay
Appreciate your comments.
I like humor and optimistic poetry most of the time. I bum myself out or cry too easily if If I write prose or poetry that is dark, introspective or filled with anguish, Working on a piece like that now, but have to stitch a few humorous lines in for relief so I don't stick my head in the oven and turn on the gas. Might post it in a few days. It will be free verse, or poetic prose. I really don't know the difference. Would love to get your input.
Thanks again ... Mike