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E P I T O M E S
What we are
who are we
no one can say
except we ourselves
our nudity display
we are we
yes but who are we
that’s a million dollar question
anyone’s guess,
who we are
but epitomes,
each one of us in our own way
you a poet
he an artist
we mostly are followers
clapping machines
for all epitomes
ere they reach their tombs
Who are we but different beings,
it’s all the indifference within us
this makes each one of us different.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Keith Logan
Thu, 2016-05-05 16:37
Hi Lovedly
I really like this but may I suggest it may be even stronger without the last stanza. Thanks again for sharing.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
lovedly
Fri, 2016-05-06 02:32
thanks Keith nice of you to have spared your acumen
may we await a few more comments
In hopes we live
in the West love has no signs of permanency
anyone can at any time leave
believe or disbelieve
love is just a notional breeze...
we mostly temporarily freeze.
but if you are so sure
she loves you
and your rosy petals more
enjoy the wait
as she will come
some day
if not today
yet may
one day
keep decorating your gates
she loves roses more than a silly date
they end up oftener with distaste
as men are mostly in haste
take care and be aware
women are now not like socks pair...
men now they daily dare...
take care
mand
Fri, 2016-05-06 02:43
Hi LOved
Why not make the last stanza a poem on it's own? - it's to good to discard completely.
The poem itself is very clever - and so true.
This stanza ( in my opinion ) is particularly poignant - particularly in todays society:
we mostly are followers
clapping machines
for all epitomes
ere they reach their tombs
I can't see anything to crit
LOve to you
Mand xxxx
lovedly
Fri, 2016-05-06 03:23
two advices... I must bow
I have removed the last stanza
as suggested
thanks
kieth and mand
lovedly
Fri, 2016-05-06 03:27
an old para a fresh poem
Who are we
but iotas in space
minuscule bubbles
the rains’ petrichor,
yet we all feel so galore
that we are alone
ourselves, wee.
REMOVED PLEASE
mand
Fri, 2016-05-06 03:37
Nice
It keeps the first poem tight - and the last stanza is great on it's own. ( in my humble opinion )
Loads of love
Mand xxx
lovedly
Fri, 2016-05-06 10:55
grand
mand
thanks
mand
Fri, 2016-05-06 03:37
Nice
It keeps the first poem tight - and the last stanza is great on it's own. ( in my humble opinion )
Loads of love
Mand xxx
Geremia
Sat, 2016-05-07 13:26
existential message
existential message poignantly poeticized
lovedly
Sat, 2016-05-07 14:01
thank you Joe
for such high sounding words
lovedly
Mon, 2016-10-17 20:39
existential message poignantly poeticized THANK YOU JOE HOPE YO
existential message poignantly poeticized
Who are we
but iotas in space
minuscule bubbles
the rains’ petrichor,
yet we all feel so galore
that we are alone
ourselves, wee.