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Afternoon delight
When they fucked
God woke up,
fell off his throne
and rolled down the stairway from heaven.
Landing on earth he looked at the state of things and said
“My Self! Did I do this?”
The answer to this question
involved admitting either that
he wasn’t
omniscient, omnipotent
or that he had fucked up,
both options intolerable, of course.
So he doddled off to an old gods home.
His reception there
was enthusiastically hostile.
He had, after all,
been responsible
for most of their retirements.
The fucking couple,
in the meantime,
had noticed nothing,
except a desire
to do it again.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2016-01-19 08:18
Brilliant...
write! Just like you to use this to put a point across. I love that the couple noticed nothing, except for the desire to do it again! Hope to see you writing more. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
weirdelf
Tue, 2016-01-19 21:12
this is an old poem I reposted for the book.
Glad you still like it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
lovedly
Tue, 2016-01-19 16:22
if man only could
he would fuck
again and again
non stop
till the God of all fuckers
commences to hop
and
yells stop
fux say the couple
what for
fuck off
you have proved in this lovely verse
we all are really sincere fuckers
take care Jess
miss your fucking kicks
hope this fuk'in poem
gives you the wanton
kicks
my mind loves it's licks
glad no fuckin ticks
nor tricks
weirdelf
Tue, 2016-01-19 21:13
Fuck you, Loved
in the kindest sense possible [grins]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
lovedly
Tue, 2016-01-19 23:56
i take it as a fuckinggggggggggg
C O M P L I M E N T
Jess
yes!
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2016-01-19 17:56
What no Devil?
The two where selfish sons of a bitch just like your omnipotent one. The making of these two was to show all the heavenly horde he could do it, but Mr. Perfect didn't think it through (or rather the writer of the fairy tale didn't) we where left with a lot of holes and questions that any lawyer could take the whole story apart.
Thanks for sharing, you and I feel the same. "when it smells like bullshit, it is bullssssssshit!"
I feel that anyone with half a brain can see through this whole fantasy.
I am a God, and so are we all.
The secret is having choice!
Let's make them all think!
Truth...
keep in mind that when this was written, more then half of the world was uneducated
I love google, for questions. make them see the real light that is in their brain.
(as a switch is toggled to on in their brain, "and then there was light")
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
lovedly
Tue, 2016-01-19 18:09
THE world has more population now
percentage wise
many more are still uneducated
have you suffered the Syrian influx
???
weirdelf
Wed, 2016-01-20 00:49
a common misconception, Loved
the average family size is dropping the world over as health and child mortality improves. Overpopulation is no longer the major threat to our planet, the destruction of the environment is.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
lovedly
Thu, 2016-05-05 11:54
poplation more or less
helps in the damage of greeness
and
nature is at their beck and call
they smoke it all up
car fuel, electricity generation and garbage incineration
add to pollution
in the East still it's over population Jess,
do have an open mind and think
fuckin imagination is the only commonality
so does population stink
Sparrow
Fri, 2016-05-06 03:29
Loved
It has been worked out that the world population even due to over copulation will stabilize at 11 billion,
This will be sometime in the near future, taking into account Africa and Asia and probably common sense in this world.
I am not going to stay till this happens as it will only put the figures out by 1..
Yours Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
weirdelf
Tue, 2016-01-19 21:14
ta Eddie
you nailed it, mostly.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Esker
Tue, 2016-01-19 18:59
I Love God..Illuminatism..genetic engineering..and free speek!
very poetic approach to this
quest of the great quest
enjoyed it immensely!
I think when they get Plum Island tweaked
or Dr Moreau brings something
interesting we as a race will be
so much the better!
mixed with the scientoligists implanting
of our mini computers to make us
even more then what we are
with the special vamperism
so we can appreciate what we
are building by living more then
our short little rabbit lives now!
it just makes more sense
thank U Jess!
weirdelf
Tue, 2016-01-19 21:15
Most welcome sir,
it especially intrigues me when people find more in my work than I thought was there.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Roscoe Lane
Wed, 2016-01-20 00:18
Excellent
Excellent, my thoughts exactly. But will the human believer ever wake up. Regards Roscoe....
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
weirdelf
Wed, 2016-01-20 00:51
We wake up or die.
I can't claim a great deal of optimism about this. Just glad I don't have children to worry about.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
emeka ozurumba
Sat, 2016-01-23 10:42
Pathetic poem , to conclude
Pathetic poem , to conclude at this atheism and the poem if you will notice has no meaning because who do you think you are humiliating , this kind of poem is purposeless
Roscoe Lane
Sun, 2016-01-24 03:50
Every poem,
Every poem is purposeful, even if it's just to draw your reaction. But i believe this poem say's much more. Try reading it again, but put religion aside for that period. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2016-01-24 20:10
Funny,
Did you take this personal, can your God not defend him or herself?
Criticism is important, I didn't see any thing in the poem that was a direct attack on any religion. I do not believe in a God. So are you attacking people who don't believe in God. I am surprised, because that is a form of racism.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
weirdelf
Sat, 2016-04-30 05:41
.
.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Sat, 2016-04-30 07:16
Atheism aside
According to beliefs God gave us all free will. And That is what has led to our present state, not his neglect. But onward to the poem. It has a bit of humor and I doubt that God would be offended, especially the part about him being ill received at the old folks home . It also has a good flow without rhythm. Almost conversational. Enjoyed................stan
weirdelf
Sun, 2016-05-01 02:12
ta,
mate.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Sparrow
Sun, 2016-05-01 04:03
Jess
What the F..., for not believing in a god you just wrote a grand piece about him falling out of heaven???LOL
Loved its take on things and its mirth.
Yours Ian..
PS:- will consider your Message over this weekend it maybe that I have too much to do but can you let me know more as to its workload and what it will entail ??
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
weirdelf
Mon, 2016-05-02 06:56
It's called metaphor
mate.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry