Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Chair (Haiku) - Exploration of Style WS
I
stale smell of old books,
light divides the dark in two,
I wake from my work
II
sensation returns,
singing bursts from the garden:
your light rouses me.
III
otherworldly hum,
screech against the wooden floor,
something works upstairs.
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Couldn't decide on one, so I posted three.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Pugilist
Mon, 2015-05-25 11:40
I like these
I believe the third one best meets the criteria.
---------------------------------------------------------
Jonathan Moore
William Saint George
Tue, 2015-05-26 05:43
Thanks Jonathan
I couldn't have done it without the first two.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
alidzain
Tue, 2015-05-26 05:16
William
I agree with Jon. The third one really describes a chair.
Alid
William Saint George
Tue, 2015-05-26 05:43
Thanks Alid
I never intended to describe a chair, but I guess the last one works.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
Rula
Tue, 2015-05-26 13:36
I thought
the second one works too, but none of the three has a direct reference to a chair. Just my opinion.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
alidzain
Tue, 2015-05-26 13:58
Salam, Rula
I have to disagree. You see when you drag a chair, there's the 'screeching' sound, hence the reference to a chair.
Alid
Rula
Tue, 2015-05-26 14:20
Salam Khalid
Like in my haiku, not so direct to the subject. Many things can cause that sound. Again, just what I thought.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
William Saint George
Tue, 2015-05-26 17:20
It was deliberate, Rula
For some reason I've tried to avoid naming the subject or referencing it directly in any of the poems I submitted. Where I name the subject, I make it such that you'll only notice it if you're more interested in the question: Was the subject actually used in the poem?
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/