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I'll Never Know What Could Have Been

I'm grieving the loss of hope
for the future we planned

the loss of the memories
we could have made

the loss of the family
I thought I'd have

the loss of the life
I was promised

---

And the pain tears at my chest
The pain of never knowing

What would've happened...
What could've been

If I had tried
just one more time...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "I'll Never Know What Could Have Been" effectively conveys a sense of loss and regret. The repetition of the phrase "the loss of" creates a rhythm that emphasizes the depth of the speaker's grief.

However, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery. Instead of general phrases like "the future we planned" or "the life I was promised", consider using concrete details to paint a vivid picture of what the speaker has lost. This will make the poem more engaging and relatable to the reader.

The line "And the pain tears at my chest" is a cliché that doesn't add much to the poem. Instead of telling the reader about the speaker's pain, show it through unique and evocative metaphors or similes.

The ending of the poem is poignant and leaves the reader with a sense of unresolved longing. The use of ellipsis effectively conveys the speaker's hesitation and uncertainty. However, the line "If I had tried just one more time..." could be rephrased to avoid the use of the common phrase "just one more time".

In conclusion, this poem has potential but could benefit from more specific imagery and the avoidance of clichés.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

There are times, when the hurt becomes too much, and there is no 'try' left.
I can only imagine if it is a true story. I suppose somewhere, sometimes, somehow, it is.
I liked the way one could see it from each side of the room. The abuser or the abusee?
Regret with its' sharpest blade; straight in the heart. Nicely done, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Such a sad paradox, being someone with mental illness. Even if it would work, it would never come about. Too many voices ring in our ears. Telling us not to try. Never give up hope. You are not bound to your misery and neither am I.

Today never knows what tommorow will bring!

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