all knees and elbows;
I remember that awkward stage,
feeling out of faze in my body
when being graceful was the rage.

a faint hunger in my belly
growing to an aching roar.
watching the dancers with their
inspired movements on the floor.

how I longed to join them
letting the music move me
carrying me along in rhythm
finding notes of ecstasy.

hanging back, watching from the wings
listening, hearing the music of the time
caught up in the lights and the words
of the lyrical passages of rhyme

I expected to find you, all these years later,
Bad tempered, craggy, vile breathed as before -
Generous with your opinions, but not your silence,
A noisy roar of a man,

But once, when you found me,
Distraught by some sorrow
Unable to speak, so you did not,
But hollowed me with gentleness,
Wiping my face, as if I were a child,
With a piece of rank cloth, smelling of engines and cars
And pot, and this, and that - the scent of a singular man
Living life on an oily rag.

I feel like I need you
And I know you’re no good for me
And I know you’re perfect for me.

I want to want you
And I do want you
But I don’t.

I don’t need you
But I want to need you
And I want to love you
And I do love you.

I want to want you in my life
And I do.
I want to want you in my home
But I don’t.

I want to want to embrace you
And I do.
I want to want to make love to you
But I don’t.

I think you're crazy, wanting me
but I'm not going to object
I want you too, can't you see?
This heart is not suspect

I've been watching you, seen your eyes
I want you to see this soul
Come on baby, take the prize
Come on, take this heart of gold

There's nothing here, I want to hide
Please don't be afraid
Look at me, and see inside
I'm not going to go away

It takes so long to let her live.
Her death is my hell,
it is all done well.
She's innocent unaware,
pushed with most care.

For weeks I sat and thought of her.
The words I wrote for her do say;
A love through night and work through day.
For me she lives a lonely way.

Each line a part sought,
each word carefully brought.
Worked and re-worked,
she’s about thought and re-thought,
doubt and re-doubt.
When brought to a whole
she’s part of my soul.

I don’t know how it happened
And I don’t know when it started
But slowly I noticed that I hated you.
You noticed it too.

Day by day it all fell apart
Bit by bit I broke you down
I wanted you to hate me too
But you never stopped loving me.

I tried and I tried
To push you away
So I could retreat back to my solitude.
You wouldn’t let me.

It sounds romantic but
It made me hate you more.
I wish I could say I still loved you then too
But I can’t remember.

remember
being broken by funerals -
memorials -
homes guttered with ash -
fences, sheds, lives broken, collapsed -

lost dogs starving-

I wept - crow-garbed-
longing to wear red -
boots, silk, bracelets and blouses -
fripperous skirts hemmed with joyful intent -

dresses for dancing, not endless death -

remember that long gulp of alcohol,
in the pause between weeping -
and inevitable cake

and round faced women
who understood grieving -

safe in my environment
way back in the day,
when a man had the power
to veto Venus's play...

we strove to suppress
the women in our lives
keep her in chains
wed them, make them all wives.

the end of an innocence
siphoning off her free will
she'll wear my collar
because that is the drill!

*eddy styx is my MALE, murderous alter ego who writes dark poetry.

I’ve been living in this bomb shelter so long
I put up curtains
To block out the sunlight that doesn’t shine through
The concrete anyway
Not sure when or if I’ll again see the light of day

All the folks down here like the soda can vases
I’ve filled up with origami roses
Still white with the blue lines and black ink
Of words I don’t want to think
About anymore
Parts of me lost in this endless war

"You're my choice"
"I love my choice"
You say
As you hug me tighter
Reassuring me of your love for me
You kiss my lips
And kiss my tears away

Not tears of pain
Or worry
Or fear
But happy tears

You profess your love for me
And let me know I'm yours

God
What a love this is